MISCONCEPTION 10: Islam Supports Forced Marriages

Forced marriage

Points:

• Muslims do it.
• Muhammad (SAW) arranged marriages.

REFUTATION

Muslims Do It

There will always be people from different religions who will do things that are not sanctioned by their religious scripture. Some Muslims engage in things that are not instructed by Islam hence, if these things cause harm in any way it is the practitioners who should be held to account and not Islam. 

It will be wise to understand that there exists a difference between an arranged marriage and a forced marriage. Forced marriages were abolished by Prophet Muhammad when he made the statement: "When a man gives his daughter in marriage and she dislikes it, the marriage shall be repudiated". 

A number of marriages were dissolved by Muhammad on the grounds that they were forced. This prohibition covers all women irrespective of age or status. An indication of this is the statement of Muhammad (SAW) when he said, “The widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until her order is obtained, and the virgin girl shall not be married until her permission is obtained." 

A clear cut point of reference showing the impermissibility of this practice in Islam is given thus: Khansa Bint Khidam said, “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (SAW). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”

He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). And Muhammad (SAW) kept silent.

Among the signs Muslims follow to ascertain the approval or disapproval of an act by Muhammad (SAW) is his silence or speech at a happening. If Muhammad (SAW) remains silent at a happening it is taken as a sign that he approves what was said or done.

Going back to the Qur’an, it is evident that Arabs practiced this culture but the coming of Muhammad (SAW) put an end to it. ALLAH says in the Glorious Qur’an: “O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion ...” Suratul Nisa (4:19). 

The second caliph Umar bin Khattab was reported to have said, "Do not force your young girls to marry an ugly man, for they also love what you love." It was also reported that Umar ibn Al-Khattab once heard about a woman who was married to an elderly man and he said: "O people, fear Allah and marry a man to a woman who is similar to him and marry a woman to a man who is similar to her."

Exceptions however occur, Islamically, an individual who shows signs of lewdness can be forced into marriage. This is to protect the morality and health of the community. This measure prevents youngsters from being corrupted from seeing these lewd individuals as heroes and also prevents the spread of infectious diseases. 

According to statistics by the Ghanaian authorities, 86% of new HIV infections come from sexual corruption. This measure is also a way of maintaining stability in the community as it has been recorded through history that moral corruption has led to bloodshed in many regions of the world from gang violence and women trafficking to all-out wars involving whole countries.

Muhammad Arranged Marriages

Anyone with a proper understanding of language is will be well acquainted with the fact that there exists a large disparity between the words ‘Arrange’ and ‘Force’. There are youngsters who have given their parents/guardians the green-light to have their marriages for them but no individual will willing accept a forced marriage. 

History and facts have it documented that arranged marriages are a global phenomenon, from the Americas to Africa down to Asia. According to statistics, 55% of marriages across the globe are arranged. In India (a non-Muslim nation) 90% of marriages are arranged. 

In the light of this, it is true that Muhammad (SAW) arranged marriages but it is never true that Muhammad (SAW) forced any two people to get married. We see it in the marriages instigated by Muhammad (SAW) the Prophet made mere suggestions and the Muslims obliged to honour his suggestions. 

The marriage of Julaybib makes this crystal clear: Muhammad (SAW) went to one of the Ansar and said: “I want to have your daughter married.” “How wonderful and blessed, O Messenger of Allah, and what a delight to the eye (this would be)," replied the man. “I do not want her for myself”, added Muhammad (SAW). "Then for whom, O Messenger of Allah?" asked the man, obviously let down. “For Julaybib” , said Muhammad (SAW).

The Ansari replied: "I will consult with her mother." And off he went to his wife. "The Messenger of Allah (SAW) wants to have your daughter married", he told his wife. She was thrilled. "What a wonderful idea and what a delight to the eye (this would be)," she said. "He does not want to marry her himself, but he wants to marry her to Julaybib," he added. She was flabbergasted! "To Julaybib? No, never to Julaybib! No, by the Living Allah, we shall not marry (her) to him." she protested. 

As the Ansari was about to return to the Prophet (SAW) to inform him of what his wife had said, the daughter, who had heard her mother's protestations, asked: "Who has asked to marry me?" Her mother told her of the Prophet's request to marry her to Julaybib. When she heard that the request had come from the Prophet (SAW), and that her mother was absolutely opposed to the idea, she was greatly perturbed and said: "Do you refuse the request of the Messenger of Allah (SAW)? Send me to him, for he shall certainly not bring ruin to me." 

Muhammad (SAW) also arranged the marriage between Zaid bin Harith and Zaynab bint Jahsh.  The marriage was short-lived and Muhammad (SAW) did not rebuke them for dissolving the marriage, this shows that the marriage was not forced but merely suggested. 

We clearly see from this that to say that Islam supports forced marriages is a misconception.