Rumaisah bint Milhan: She Made Islam Her Mahr

Rumaysa was known for her excellent character, the power of her intellect even before Islam was introduced to Madinah. Her father was Milhan bin Khalid, her mother was Mulaika bint Malik, and she had five siblings; Umm Haram bint Milhan, Haram bin Milhan, Sulaym bin Milhan, Umm 'Abdullah bint Milhan and Zayd bin Milhan. 

She was known by various names including Rumaysa, Ramlah and Ghumaysa and Sahlah. She however came to be known popularly as Umm Sulaym. Sulaym means ‘Safe and Sound’, Umm Sulaym was a nickname as she did not have a child named Sulaym. She was the mother of the famous Anas bin Malik. 

Umm Sulaym was first married to Malik ibn an-Nadr from who she had Anas ibn Malik. Umm Sulaym was one of the first women of Madina to accept Islam. She was influenced by Musab ibn Umayr. When Umm Sulaym embraced Islam, her husband was away from Madina. When he returned, he observed some changes and enquired on what had happened and Umm Sulaym went on to announce her acceptance of Islam to him and in public to his displeasure. She brought her son, Anas, into the fold of Islam. Her husband left the housed vexed and it is reported that he was assassinated by an enemy of his. 

When it was known that Rumaisah had become a widow, one man, Zayd ibn Sahl (Abu Talhah), resolved to become engaged to her. He was sanguine that Rumaisah would not turn him down since he was powerful and affluent. Moreover, he belonged to the same tribe as Rumaisah; the Banu Najjar. Abu Talhah careened to Rumaisah’s house. He sought permission to enter and it was granted. Anas was present and Abu Talhah popped the question. 

Umm Sulaym said, "A man like you, Abu Talhah, is not easily turned away. But I shall never marry you while you are an unbeliever". Abu Talhah impugned that she was trying to put him off and that perhaps she had already preferred someone more solvent and more influential so he said to her, "What is it that really prevents you from accepting me, Umm Sulaym? Is it the yellow and the white metals?" 

Umm Sulaym asked in a flummoxed tone, "Gold and silver?" "Yes," he said imperiously. Umm Sulaym replied, "I swear to you, Abu Talhah, and I swear to Allah and His Messenger that if you accept Islam, I shall be pleased to accept you as a husband, without any gold or silver. I shall consider your acceptance of Islam as my mahr." 

Umm Sulaym seized the opportunity to stress the vacuity of idol worship and she went on: "Don't you know Abu Talhah that the god you worship besides Allah grew from the earth?" "That's true," he affirmed. "Don't you feel stupid while worshipping part of a tree while you use the rest of it for fuel to bake bread or warm yourself? If you should give up these foolish beliefs and practices) and become a Muslim, Abu Talhah, I shall be pleased to accept you as a husband and I would not want from you any sadaqah apart from your acceptance of Islam." 

Abu Talhah asked, "Who shall instruct me in Islam?". "I shall," Rumaisah replied. "How?", he asked. Umm Sulaym pressed on, “Utter the declaration of truth and testify that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. Then go to your house, destroy your idol and throw it away." 

Abu Talhah left weakened and reflected deeply on Rumaisah’s admonition. He came back to her beaming with happiness and said, "I have taken your advice to heart. I declare that there is no god but Allah and I declare that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah." 

Rumaisah and Abu Talhah were married, Anas was pleased, and the Muslims would say: "We have never yet heard of a mahr that was more valuable and precious than that of Umm Sulaym for she made Islam her mahr." Abu Talhah and Umm Sulaym had an vivacious life devoted to Islam. The Prophet visited their home often and he would pray on a mat provided by Umm Sulaym. The Prophet (SAW) also had siestas in their house and, as he slept, she would wipe the perspiration from his forehead. Once when the Prophet awoke from his siesta, he asked: "Umm Sulaym, what are you doing?" And she replied, "I am taking these drops of perspiration as a blessing which comes from you". 

It was noticed that the Prophet (SAW) had a special liking for Umm Sulaym and her family and when asked about it, he replied: "Her brother was killed beside me." He (SAW) was referring to Haram bin Milhan. Umm Sulaym also had a well-known sister, Umm Haram, the wife of Ubadah bin as-Samit. 

The Seerah of Ubadah bin as-Samit

Umm Sulaym gave water to Muslim soldiers and tended the wounded and even made attempts to defend the Prophet when the tide of battle was turning against him. At the Battle of Khandaq, the Prophet saw her carrying a dagger and he asked her what she was doing with it. She said: "It is to fight those who desert." And The Prophet replied, "May Allah grant you satisfaction in that". 

Umm Sulaym had two children from Abu Talha; Umair and Abdullah. A few days after Abdullah was born, she sent Anas with the baby and a bag of dates to the Prophet (SAW). The Prophet placed the baby on his lap. He crushed the dates in his mouth and put some in the baby's mouth. The baby sucked the dates with relish. Abdullah eventually grew up and had seven children all of whom memorized the Quran. 

Umm Sulaym's husband, Abu Talhah, passed away while he was on a naval expedition during the time of Uthman bin Affan and was buried at sea.  Rumaysa bint Milhan is believed to have passed away not long afterwards in 29 A. H. She was around 60 years old. May Allah please her and grant us her virtues.

LESSONS

1. Marrying a non-Muslim: Umm Sulaym turned down Abu Talha’s proposal. Not because he was a bad man but, because he was not a Muslim. This is proof that a Muslim cannot marry a pagan. Can Muslim Women Marry non-Muslim Men?
2. Islam over wealth: Umm Sulaym was not moved by the affluence or status of Abu Talha, she was only interested in her faith in Allah. She was not prepared to endanger her faith and the upbringing of her child for luxury however preponderant and tempting.