Islamic Significance of Friendship

A Muslim is always friendly and welcoming or at least, not quarrelsome. All the same, we should stay away from the one who is not well mannered and gives no attention to what pleases or displeases Allah (SWT), for he will surely affect us negatively. There is no good if the companion drowns us in sins. Our friends, especially our close friends should be among the best people in the community by Islamic standards.  If we share our feelings with the wrongdoers whose actions are worthless and based on corruption, then we are following the same ways and standards as they are doing, and we will end up being as
corrupt as they are, how then will we face Allah's (SWT)? Instead of making friends with the wayward ones we should befriend the righteous, yet treat the rest in a gracious and just manner. Staying at sufficient distance is necessary; yet treating everybody in a

noble and kind manner is required. It is however not a crime to have non-Muslim friends and associates as long as Deen is not compromised.

The danger of having corrupt friends isn't confined to the worldly life as the two main regrets on the day of judgement are:

1. Not following Prophet Muhammad (saw) on the path of guidance and 
2. Befriending a person who diverted one from the truth.

Allah (SWT) says: "And (remember) the day when the unjust one shall bite his hands saying: O! Would that I had taken a way with the Messenger! O woe is me! Would that I had not taken such a one for a friend! Certainly he led me astray from the reminder after it had come to me;"
Surah Al-Furqan (25:27-29).

Allah (SWT) also says: "Friends on that Day will be enemies one to another, except al-Muttaqun (i.e. those who have Taqwa/Piety)." Surah Az-Zukhruf (43:67)

Ali ibn Abi Talib (ra) said, "The felicity of this and the next world lie in two things: firstly, keeping secrets; and secondly, friendship with the good. And the miseries of this and the next world are summed up in two things: firstly, divulging secrets; and secondly, friendship with wicked persons."

It is wise to choose moderation in dealing with friends. Excessive love and confidence in friends are unacceptable since it happens that a friend may change into an enemy and use the secrets that he had shown as weapons.                                                                                                                        
Abi Talib also said, "When you cherish someone you should cherish him moderately for he may be your enemy someday, and when you hate someone you should hate him moderately for he may be your friend someday." He also said: "If you intend to cut yourself off from a friend, leave some scope for him from your side by which he may resume friendship if it so occurs to him some day."

Friendship should be for positive purposes only as Allah (SWT) commands us in the Noble Qur'an: "And cooperate in righteousness and piety, but do not cooperate in sin and aggression."
Surah Al-Maeda (5:2)                                                                                          
Allah also says, "The hypocritical men and the hypocritical women are all alike; they enjoin evil and forbid good and withhold their hands; they have forsaken Allah, so  He has forsaken them; surely the hypocrites are the transgressors." Surah Al-Tawba (9:67)

From these two verses in the Qur’an, we see that making friends with the deviant ones put to great danger the Hereafter of a believer.

The question will then be asked, “Who should a Muslim take for a friend?”

When choosing our friends we should ask ourselves first: Are they going to help us achieve the purpose for which we were brought to life or will they take us away from it? Will they desire for us Allah's (SWT) pleasure or is that completely irrelevant to them and not their concern at all? Are they leading us to Paradise or to the Hell?                                                                    
Muhammad al-Baqir narrates from his father who said, "O my son don't befriend five types of people":

1. Don't befriend a liar (Kadhib). For a liar is like a mirage. He shows the distant as near and the near as distant. He will always deceive you and trouble you.
2. Don't befriend a transgressor (Ghasib). For he will forsake you for a paltry sum and make your sins appear very alluring to you. He will make you a victim of Allah's chastisement through his petty sins and take you farther away from His obedience and satisfaction. He will make Allah's worship appear as His disobedience, and His disobedience as His worship. He will drag you along with himself in the fire of hell.
3. Never befriend a miser (Bakheel/Kanjus). For in your time of need and distress, he will withhold his wealth from you, while he is in a position to assist you. (He values his wealth more than anything else. And to that end he is prepared to forsake even his friends)
4. Do not befriend a fool (Ahmaq). For (in his foolishness) he will harm you while he intends to help you. (That is why it is said, 'A shrewd enemy is better than a foolish friend')
5. Don't befriend the one who breaks relations (with his relatives/Khata Rahmi). For, such a person has been cursed in the Noble Qur'an in three places. He is engrossed in his own affairs with scant regard for others. (Friendship with such a person will eventually lead the individual towards sins and disobedience of Allah)" 

Ali ibn Abi Talib said: "Do not befriend a sinner (Fasiq/Fajir) because he will sell you for a morsel."                                                                                                                                   
Also worthy of note is; we should not be among those who look down on others in selecting friends.

It is not taught by Islam that all your friends must have memorized the Qur’an or 300 Ahadith.

Ali bin Husayn bin Ali said: "Do not make anyone your enemy even though you consider him harmless and do not turn down a person's friendship even if you think he will not benefit you."

Having deliberated at length on who should not be befriended, we shall now see what kind of people should be befriended.

Jafar Sadiq narrates, "Friendship entails certain trusts and duties. Then the one who observes these obligations is a true friend and the one who breaches this trust is unworthy of friendship. 

These obligations are as follows;

1. He should be the same outside as he is inside. In other words, he should not have a dual personality. (In this age however, we often come across people who are exceptionally humble and modest on the outside, with little, if any humility, on the inside)
2. He will consider your virtues as his virtues and your misdeeds as his misdeeds. (In other words your virtues will cheer him and your faults will grieve him. God forbid, he must not feel relieved after observing some vice in you, and take solace from the fact that he himself is above that vice.)
3. If he acquires a position of power and authority, it must not bring about a drastic change in his attitude. In other words, prosperity must not transform the individual adversely. (There are some people who make the best of friends in adversity. But a positive change in their financial condition reveals a dark, hitherto unknown side of their personality. On the other hand we see some people who make good friends in prosperity, but misfortune transforms them, disclosing their fickleness.)
4. He must give his friendship (with you) priority over all his worldly possessions. In other words in times of adversity, he must be willing to give his all to redeem you.
5. He must never leave you alone in times of misfortune and distress."

It should be noted that 'He' as used above and anywhere else refers to both males and females. Scholars and thinkers have observed that there are certain tips to be remembered by anyone who wishes to keep a stable friendship.                      

• Do not dispute with him and do not be hostile to him.                                                             
• Do not ridicule him. 
• Do not quarrel with him instead, accord friends the respect they deserve. 

Hassan bin Ali said: "Those who advise their friend secretly are respecting them, and those who advise them openly are humiliating them." 

The great predecessor also said: "Befriend people in the same manner you would like them to befriend you."

• Do not hold him in contempt nor consider him to be lower than you. Instead guard the honor of your friends during their absence and after their death.                                                            
• Do not claim precedence and supremacy over him instead, forgive the short-comings of your friends, because everyone makes mistakes in life.                                                                     
• Do not crack indecent jokes with him.

To round this up, the features that will disqualify an individual from being our friend should not be found in us. And those virtues that would qualify an individual to be called a true friend should be seen in us at all times or at least, the opposite should not be seen in us.